Thought for the Day: A thought on how hard it is to forgive.

 Broadcast on The Today programme on February 3rd 2023. 

On my better days, I agree with Desmond Tutu that we might not be able to create a world without pain or loss or conflict or hurt feelings, but we can create a world of forgiveness. On good days; those days when I don’t read articles which contain the disclaimer:

Contains graphic descriptions of torture; a piece which tells of the horror of allegations of brutality against Ukrainian soldiers, made by a former Russian Officer who witnessed these atrocities. On days like that, I think creating a world of forgiveness is the hardest thing of all. Today’s Church of England reading comes from Hebrews Chapter 13, which begins with the line: ‘Let mutual love continue,’ followed by ‘remember those who are being tortured, as though you yourselves were being tortured.’ Enduring the pain of torture is beyond my comprehension, and I have no difficulty in feeling empathy for the victims. It is so much harder to feel compassion for the perpetrators, and yet, we can’t hope to create a world of forgiveness without it.

The Russian officer acknowledged he didn’t have the moral right to ask for forgiveness from the Ukrainians. As he said on this programme yesterday, “I can’t forgive myself, I can’t expect them to forgive me.” He’s right that forgiveness is a gift, one which can’t simply be claimed as ours by right. It’s a gift we can give to others and which we gratefully receive. It has the power to be transformative and to heal, but if it is wielded insensitively, it can be used as a stick to beat people with. It must be given freely, never demanded.

The Lord’s Prayer is a daily reminder to Christians that forgiveness is a central tenet of our faith, and yet forgiving the unforgivable is very hard. I don’t know what’s it’s like to have committed evil on such a scale as seen in the war in Ukraine, apparently on both sides. Nor to have suffered the horrors of torture, but like all human beings, I’ve been in the position of being able to bestow the gift of forgiveness on others and being in desperate need of forgiveness myself.

As Jesus hangs dying on the cross he utters, “Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Forgive them, he says. I find it encouraging that in that moment Jesus asks God to do the forgiving, and sometimes this is all I can manage. Creating a world of forgiveness isn’t a way to blot out suffering, but it might be the only way we can bring ourselves to cope with it.