Forty: A Statement of Intent.

1. I will dress exactly as I please, choosing the clothes and shoes that appeal to me the most. I will not wear the unsolicited, unfair and sexist expectations of an ageist culture that tells me I must dress “like a woman over forty.”
2. I will eat whatever food I want to eat, eschewing reductive ideas about “good” and “bad” foods. I will trust that my body knows what food it needs to stay healthy, and that this absolutely will sometimes include fat, sugar and carbs.
3. I will never diet ever again. This includes compensatory dieting by skipping or reducing lunch because I ate a biscuit earlier in the day. I will not count calories, “eat clean,”cut out whole food groups, drink meal replacement shakes, fast, or pretend I’m not on a diet by calling it “just eating healthier.” No. Nope. Never again.
4. I will exercise as often as I can, just for the pure joy of moving my body. I will never exercise just to accrue steps or minutes of activity on my Fitbit, to earn the right to eat, or to shrink the size of my arse.
5. I will accept my body just as it is – NOW, this very minute, not when I’ve lost a few pounds/dropped a dress size/toned up, or whatever caveats I add in order to prevent myself from being happy.  I will rejoice in the fact that my body has grown, birthed and fed four entire humans. GO ME. I am bloody amazing.
6. I will not punish myself by comparing my body to other people’s and finding it lacking. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I will forever celebrate my God-given uniqueness. Besides which, I’m an absolute belter.
7. I will enjoy mothering my children without the unnecessary burden of worrying about what marks they will achieve, how many lengths they can swim, how neat their handwriting is, or what grade they manage to achieve on the piano. Motherhood isn’t something you pass or fail at depending on the achievements of your children. My children don’t exist just to make me look good (or bad) and knowing this frees me up to love them exactly as they are.
8. I will say sorry to my children whenever I screw up; when I lose my temper, when I’m impatient, when I take my frustrations out on them, or fail to keep my promises. I’ll be honest with them about my humanity and my capacity to stuff up and that this is ok.
9. I will not allow the weight of guilt to overwhelm and crush me. I’m a mother trying raise kids at a time when we do more for our children than ever before and yet feel like we’re constantly not doing enough. I reject this. I may not be the best mother in the world but I am plenty good enough.
10. I will accept my limitations. I’m raising four kids and it is non-stop, endless work. I will make myself available to my kids as much as I can but I will not always prioritise them over myself – been there, done that, and it is pure folly. I cannot and will not be all things to all people all of the time.
11. I will continue to prioritise and value my marriage, recognising it for the life-affirming gift that it is. We are not just parents; we are a couple too. I am because we are.
12. I will be a good daughter and daughter-in-law, recognising that life is far too short and our parents won’t be here on earth forever. I will not waste a moment or pass up an opportunity to spend time with my parents and in-laws, for they bless my life as much as I bless theirs.
13. I will ask for help if I need it and I won’t feel ashamed. I don’t need to appear to be strong all the time; it’s ok to admit that sometimes things are hard. I will not let my pride get in the way of my need to be vulnerable.
14. I will always try to be kind, recognising that kindness is so easy to bestow but so often undervalued. I will not tell unnecessary lies just to be kind, nor compromise my integrity for the sake of not hurting someone’s feelings. I recognise that kindness as a virtue has been foisted on females as a societal expectation and in that guise it is not a fruit of the spirit. It is about control and I reject it.
15. I will not live in the past, be it in painful, triggering memories, or in wistful yearning for my youth. I will seize the day, right here, right now, recognising the complex myriad of experiences that brought me here, and always give thanks.
16. I will never be afraid to stand up and say “I don’t understand.”I recognise that I would rather speak up and look foolish for a moment than keep my mouth shut and be ignorant forever.
17. I will be an audacious dreamer and a bold Kingdom builder and I will never give up imagining that the world can be a better place.
18. I will listen to advice when it is well meant, and take on board the opinion of others, but I will not accept someone else’s version of me at face value, or mentally contort myself to become what other people think I ought to be. God called me as I am and that actually means something. If you don’t approve, take it up with God.
19. I will always be a woman of integrity, keeping my word and speaking with truth and honesty. I eschew purity politics and all forms of tribalism, and I reject all the ways that these seek to divide and shame people.
20. I will never stop standing up for the rights of women and girls. As long as I draw breath I will challenge patriarchy, because I recognise that from this unjust system stems more misery and pain than anything else on earth.
21. I will be a good sister to other women, not just to my friends and the women known to me, but to all women. I will never participate in gossip, or bitchy slander. I will never attack a woman because of the way she looks, nor will I feel threatened by her. I recognise all the many ways that patriarchy seeks to divide us, and I reject them all.
22. I will wholeheartedly and with delight, lift up other women. I will celebrate their talents and achievements; their strengths and their contribution to whatever field they excel in. I recognise that there is enough room for us all; one woman’s success does not cancel out or preclude my own. I will never stop supporting other women.
23. I will speak boldly and compassionately about the need for our world to be an emotionally supportive space for men and boys. I reject bullshit maxims for males such as “boys will be boys,” or “boys don’t cry,” or “man up,” or similar, recognising that these limit and cause immeasurable harm to us all and perpetuate a toxic version of masculinity.
24. I will prioritise my friendships and won’t make lazy, flimsy excuses not to see my friends. I recognise that if we only see each other if we’re not busy or not tired, then we will never see each other, because THAT’S ADULT LIFE. I know that my friends are hugely important to me and I to them, and so I pledge that I will make time for them when there is no time, because I need them in my life and they help make me whole.
25. I will work hard to be a good friend, giving freely of myself and honestly sharing my vulnerabilities. I will never be afraid to call my friends out on their bullshit and I pray they do the same for me. Friendships without this safety net are bad for the ego.
26. I will shine a light on injustice in the world and not just be a voice for the voiceless, but sometimes stop talking so that others can be heard. I recognise that as a white woman living in Britain I have considerable privilege and I will always try to be mindful of that.
27. I will be generous with my material wealth and possessions, because to give and to share is the core of my Christian calling. Ubi charitas et amor, Deus ibi est.
28. I will try to give generously of my most prized asset of all: my time. Whether this is to see a friend, offer help or comfort to someone, or to write a supportive message.
29. I will resist the urge to keep always moving, with my time filled, and will sometimes do nothing at all, regarding this as a valuable spiritual practice. Our culture values busyness and productiveness and I reject this as the only valid way of being human.
30. I recognise that I am a part of the body of Jesus Christ and if I behave like an arsehole, then I bring Him into disrepute. I will try to never be responsible for people thinking worse of Jesus because of me, even if that means I have to bite back my desire to be right in favour of my need to be gracious.
31. I will aggressively affirm*the calling of other women in the church and be a bold, forthright encourager. Other women of faith can so often be under attack just for faithfully using their God given gifts to preach and lead, and therefore we need to stick together. Women: I will always have your back.
32. I believe in the value of mutual flourishing in my church and I will work hard to try to understand the viewpoint of others, however difficult this may sometimes be. I do not only love and value the people who are most like me, because that is not church.
33. I will be a bridge builder instead of a bridge burner.
34. I will be a good listener and will provide a safe space for people to share and offload with.
35. I will always be a creator because this is what feeds my soul and brings me joy. It is through the act of creating something that I often feel closest to God; our creator God. Creating beautiful things just because they are good is truly God’s work and thus, has infinite value.
36. I will learn at least one new skill every year, however small that may be. I will never stop wanting to learn…and recognising that I will never know it all.
37. I will forge relationships with people of all ages, because I recognise that people of different generations have much to teach me and I them.
38. I will not fear change and the passage of time, because God is with me. Illness and death and grief and devastation and heartache and fear will happen, just like they have always done, but I am confident that I can face it all with God beside me.
39. I will love the Lord my God with all my soul and with all my heart, so that I may truly live an authentic, convicted life.
40. I will never forget who I am: a beloved child of God.  A sinner. An unlikely saint. A change-bringer. A preacher of Good News. A wiper of tears. A hand holder. A cock-up. A wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. Not silent. Not insignificant. Not slipping off indoors into my dotage. In my prime. Powerful woman of God. Just getting started.

I am Womanfredi…Hear. Me. Roar.

*The phrase 'aggressively affirm' was a gift courtesy of Hannah Malcolm @hannahmmalcolm